Waiting for Savasana

Ten Things


1. I am really tired of thinking about/talking about/dealing with cancer.  I have reached my fill for the moment.  Am I in denial?  Perhaps.  But since I currently have no evidence of disease (knock wood), I just don’t feel like thinking about it.

2. With that said, three out of four of us are currently sick with a cold.  Unfortunately, I am in the majority.  We walked to a restaurant yesterday for lunch.  It’s about a mile each way.  I barely made it home.  I immediately got into bed and stayed there the rest of the day.  I watched Mamma Mia on dvd.  That cheered me up a little.  However, it stinks feeling sick and tired and having two kids who are mutually miserable.  Yep.  Poor hubby is taking care of the family AGAIN.

3. Our holiday consisted of a trip to the desert.  My husband and my first vacation together was to the desert.  We stayed in the same place as last time but in a cottage.  It was lovely but it was very different from the trip we took fourteen years ago.  Life is different with kids.  It just is.  Regardless, a good time was had by all.

4. I finally got around to watching “Cloud Atlas” while on holiday and, strangely, I loved it.  I didn’t expect to at all. But I thought it was incredibly entertaining and evocative.  I made husband watch it with me the next night and…he hated it.  He felt the exact opposite of me although we both agreed that Jim Broadbent saved the entire movie.  We’ve been talking about it ever since.  I actually want to buy the movie and he thinks I’m crazy.  I love how we can disagree on something so completely but still have great conversations.  I’m not mad at him for not liking it and he’s not mad at me for liking it.  We just have different opinions and there is room for that.  Regardless, I need to watch that movie again because it’s super long and both times, I fell asleep in parts.

If you don’t know anything about the movie, it’s basically six movies in one.  Each movie represents a different time period and genre but contains the same actors playing different roles, races, genders.  My husband felt much of it was superfluous.  I found value in every story.  You know it’s pretty cool when Hugh Grant is in every story but only recognizable in two out of six (and in one of them, he’s a scary cannibal!!).  The main point of the whole thing is the belief that our lives transcend birth and death.  I just can’t stop thinking about it.

5. I don’t think I’m going to be ready for that Hot Chocolate Run in two weeks.  I thought I could walk it but there is a 15 minute mile time limit and sadly, I am not there yet.  I try to walk daily and I’ve got this 2.7 mile loop that I walk in my neighborhood.  Sometimes it takes me 45 minutes and i come home covered in sweat.  15k?  I don’t think so.  There is a 5k option.  I’m going to see if I can do that.  I’m kind of bummed but I know that when I signed up, I was being optimistic.  I’m honestly just glad to be walking a couple miles a day.

6. I listen to audiobooks while I walk.  I am currently listening to “The Goldfinch” by Donna Tartt.  I remember her first book, “The Secret History”.  People loved it.  People raved about it.  It didn’t touch me.  I was disappointed.  I am enjoying “The Goldfinch” but it seems like a Murphy’s Law kind of book.  The main character just seems to be bombarded with crappy circumstances.  Sometimes it’s a lot to take in.  I do not know how it ends and I am hoping this kid catches a break but things are not looking good so far.

I’ve had an Audible membership for a couple of years now.  Every month i get one token to spend on a book.  I am very particular about the books I choose.  I usually opt for longer books in order to get my money’s worth.  I pay something like $14 a month so I find books that are at least comparable in price.

I have listened to some incredible novels I probably would not have picked up on my own.  Ender’s Game and Ender’s Shadow being two of them.  Also the entire Outlander series.  Davina Porter is an artist narrator.  I could listen to her read the phonebook.

I have also taken chances on books I haven’t been able to finish.  Pillars of the Earth, blech.  I know most people love it but I hate that book.  I’ve also never been able to get into “The Kite Runner” so I thought the audiobook would be an excellent way to finally read this book…but it’s narrated by the author, who I’m sorry to say is not a great narrator so I still have not read that stupid book.

Hmm…perhaps my love of audiobooks would best be expressed in a longer post all of it’s own.

7. We have absolutely no plans for New Years and that is awesome.  I think we might cook a little, play some games, watch some movies.  I don’t feel like doing much else.

8.  I am going to do a Whole30 beginning on January 1.  I am doing this because I am feeling very inflamed after everything and I think cutting out inflammatory foods cold turkey could really help things.  My armpit hurts, people.  It hurts a lot.  Nobody ever told me it would be my armpit that hurt the most.  Weird thing is, the skin of my armpit is completely numb (which is great when I am getting my pits waxed, and no I don’t shave them because I am afraid of getting a nick, since there is no feeling and getting lymphedema which I just do not want), it’s the inside, the muscles and tendons that are really painful.  Things are supposed to get better when I have my exchange surgery that trades out the uncomfortable tissue expanders I am currently sporting for real implants.  Unfortunately, exchange surgery is pretty far off (six months after radiation) so I just take Advil and deal with the pain.  It gets worse at night time.  I stretch and do my PT exercises but my armpit is still not great.

Anyway, I am hoping the Whole30 does what it did last time, reduces inflammation and instigates much needed weight loss.  No dairy, no grains, no legumes, no white potatoes, no sweets, NO CHEATING. Just lots of fruits and veg and some meat.  I’m ready.

9. I am extremely impatient about my hair growth.  It started growing back while I was doing the Taxol but things seem to have stalled. Being a lifelong curly girl, I was hoping it would come in straight (a girl can dream) but at about one inch, it started to curl.  So it looks like an unkempt pixie cut.  I’m thinking about going in for a trim but that seems counterproductive.  Regardless, my hair is currently annoying me.  Just grow already!  Sheesh!

10. Everything is currently in limbo.  I’m still just slowly recovering and I’m ok with that.  I am thankful for normalcy.  I am basically just in a deep exhale.  Maybe not even an exhale, more like the space between an inhale and an exhale. Believe it or not, it’s a good place to be.


2 thoughts on “Ten Things

  1. Hi Beth. Good to read about your normal things. It reminds me to bring it in and keep it simple — value normal. Wish.you a 2014 full of normal. Your ny eve plans are appealing. Love.

  2. I spoke too soon about New Year’s. Now it looks like we have some tentative plans. 2014 of normal would be wonderful.

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