Waiting for Savasana


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But I’m Not Crazy

I went in for a routine physical but it turned into something different.

I’ve been taking my Aromasin and it was really messing with me. I was really angry and argumentative and my neck hurt.  So badly.  It felt like someone was holding my neck in a vice grip and squeezing really hard.  But I was trying to power through.

Because I have to take this crappy medicine.  My last oncologist was trying to get me to five years on this one.  My new oncologist says ten years.  I just chuckle and say “Ok”.  But I don’t mean it.  There is no way I can handle this kind of pain for ten years.

I schedule an annual check up with my primary physician, who I was just meeting.  Golly, I hate moving.  I hate finding new doctors.  So I am meeting this new doctor and I basically start crying.  Ugly crying.  I tell her how much pain I am in and all the dark thoughts floating through my brain no matter how much I meditate.

And I told her about the research I had done and how Effexor is supposed to help with Aromasin side effects.  I told her I took Lexapro (an antidepressant) for 5 years but stopped taking it five years ago, right before I was diagnosed.  We decided to try Lexapro again.

And you know what?  It has helped tremendously.  It was not instant but within a week or two, the pain was much more manageable.  My mood improved ten-fold.  My kids noticed.  Things are looking up.

But my question is why?  Why would an anti depressant help my neck and joint pain?  Is the pain not real?  What is going on?

I get it fixing my negative thoughts and low moods but neck pain?  Why?

No one seems to know but I’m glad it is working.  I felt so hopeless.  The Aromasin may keep the cancer from recurring but what is the point if you live life in constant pain and are unpleasant to be around?

I wish I could get off this ride.

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