Waiting for Savasana


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Healing

That biopsy was a big incision.  It still hurts.  I can get around and all but OUCH!

I have decided that life is too short to be a hero so I am babying myself.  Spending lots of time on my couch watching tv.  We watched a couple episodes of Lost in Space.  It’s good.

Going to make beef stew in my Instant Pot.

Oh! And there is a blizzard.  In April.  A blizzard.  We took my son to his job and it was crazy.  And now I am not sure how we are going to get him home.  I mean, it is crazy.  The snow!  In April.

I don’t know.  I don’t know what to think of anything.  You know, I need my hair cut and I really need my roots done but I was waiting for a diagnosis because I am not going to spend money on getting my hairs did if it is all just going to fall out from chemo.  That’s just me being practical. So now I still don’t know what is going on but yes, I need a little color and snip.

Blergh.  That is all.

 

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More Confusion

First, I have to say I had a really good experience at my surgical biopsy.  Every single person at Fairview Southdale was super nice, super friendly and very reassuring.  I met with all of the nurses and doctors who would be working with me.  They walked me to the or, helped me onto the table, hooked me up to an iv and the next thing I knew, it was over.  The nurse in the recovery room was great.  It was easy and I was very comfortable throughout.  This is my 7th surgery since 2013 and it was almost an enjoyable experience.  Thanks Minnesota.

Second, the recovery has not been bad at all.  I mean, it’s painful.  I have stitches in a somewhat delicate area but it’s not terrible. And my pets and husband are keeping me company.  So that’s cool.

Third, I got a call this evening from my oncologist and she doesn’t know what the darn heck is going on.  The cells are reactive and have weirdness but it is not testing genetically for cancer.  What the what?! I guess it’s a good news/bad news situation.  The good news is that it doesn’t look like cancer, the bad news is that it looks like something.  Just nobody knows what.

So she is sending it to the Mayo Clinic for another opinion.  She told me that six different pathologists looked at my node and signed off on the report but nobody knows what is going on so now we have to wait some more.  Sounds like my life. Blergh.

 


4 Comments

Calm

I went to the er in October for what we thought was appendicitis. Had a CT scan. Not appendicitis. Instead, I was diagnosed something weird and rare called mesenteric adentitis. This basically means that the tissue in my lower abdomen was inflamed. The scan showed that I have inflamed lymph nodes in that area as well. My oncologist was concerned. In January, we did a follow up scan and the good news was that the nodes had not grown but they hadn’t shrunk either. So now there was a choice to be made, do a surgical biopsy or wait and see and get another scan 3 months later. We choice to wait and scan. I had the follow up to the follow up scan this week and the nodes have grown. They’ve grown.
It is presenting as lymphoma.
I am going to have the biopsy when we get back from our vacation. If it isn’t lymphoma, it could be breast cancer. We don’t know anything at this point other than I am in pain and can feel some of the nodes.
And I’m scared but I know, worry is a wasted emotion. It really is.
There is nothing I can do until I have the biopsy. There is no point in crying or freaking out. It looks like there will be another fight but the fight is not here yet. It is creeping outside the door but it is not here yet.
I am researching hospitals and oncologists, trying to figure out what the next steps will be because I am a planner. Thinking about putting the younger child in summer camps. Wondering if he would do a sleep away. Summer will be here before we know it , after all.
I am going to save this as a draft until we tell the boys. They should not have to be a part of this until absolutely necessary.

I can’t tell you how much I wish I had just had appendicitis.