Waiting for Savasana


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We threw away the pills today…

Most of them anyway.  Ok…the steroids.  Those are gone.  Why was I hanging on to those?

The Zofran went bye bye.  And a bunch of other stuff I can’t pronounce.

Cleaned out the medicine cabinet.

I wasn’t holding on to it.  It was more that I just didn’t want to deal with it.  You get that, right?

I also realized the other day that when speaking, I refer to past events in the timeline of before I got sick and after I got sick.  As in “Oh, remember that time we went for a hike at Silver Creek, you know, before I got sick, and we saw that deer?”.

It was an event that has replaced all others.  I’m not sure I like that at all.

No.  I really don’t like that at all.

Not at all.

I’m still here.  I’m still here in the past and the present.  This is what I have.
And really there is so very much joy.

If anything, having cancer has taught me to trust my instincts and be wary of red flags.  Mind them.

It’s also taught me to avoid all dysfunction like the damn plague.  I don’t see the point in fighting most days.  Most days, I just laugh and fly.

Still, the nights can be long.  So very long.

That is when the fear creeps in.  It always has that way.

And in the morning, I say thank you to the sun.

Every. Single. Day.

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