Waiting for Savasana

I Cried at Chemo Today


Yes, I really did.

I also watched the new Star Trek movie until I fell asleep from the Benadryl they put in my I.V.

I feel great today.

But I talked to my nurse about pain management and it made me cry.

I think we have a plan but we’ve had lots of plans in the past that sometimes work and sometimes don’t.

I made another friend though.  She was in the chair next to me and she finished before me.  She told me that she was sorry I was having a rough time and that she was having a rough time too.  She still has a way to go.  I’m almost done. I told her we will both get through it and someday it will feel like a really bad dream.I like making friends but I am sad that any of us have to be in this club.  Nobody wants to be in the cancer club.  Nobody.

It makes me scared.  Scared for everyone I love.  I hope you all try to take care of yourselves.  Limit your red meat consumption. Eat more veggies than meat.  Limit sugar.  Ugh!  And think about cutting out dairy.  That’s a difficult one.

And exercise every day.  One study says that breast cancer survivors who walk 30 minutes every day cut their risk of recurrence dramatically.

Try to avoid cosmetics with parabens.  OMG, it’s so hard to find good stuff without all the bad stuff.  Like moisturizer.  Believe me, we chemo people need our lotions.  Chemo dries out your skin.  I’ve got Egyptian Magic and some other cream but I don’t like the way they smell.  Ugh!  And then I worry that people can smell me.  Eww!  And did you know that Burts Bee’s was bought several years ago by…wait for it…Clorox! And now they are not even considered “safe”.  That grinds my gears!  I love make up and now that I look so ill, I need makeup.  I don’t want to poison myself anymore but man, clean make up is hard to find.

And in other news, while I officially have about ten eyebrow hairs left on each eyebrow (yes, I’m counting them), I am growing a bunch of white baby peach fuzz on my head!  I am a fuzzy duckling!  Jury is still out on whether it will still or fall out like it did before.  My eyelashes are hanging on by a tiny bit but they are going fast.  Oh well.  Patient patient, right.  I can not control any of it.

What else?

My youngest planted a garden this summer with his Grandma. My little one has a bumper crop of cherry tomatoes.  Sooooo many tomatoes.  It’s wonderful.  My husband made a delicious soup in his beloved Vitamix.  It came out of the blender HOT! And it was very yummy.  Eat your veggies, people!  EAT THEM!!!


After chemo we went to our neighborhood grocery store and saw my friend who works there.  Our eldest sons met the day before kindergarten and have been friends ever since.  She asked how I was doing and I was honest that it’s been rough and I was just coming from my 7th of 8 chemos.  Later she came running out to my car and gave me these:


Aren’t they beautiful?!!  I have really nice friends.

Wish me luck on round 3 of Taxol.  I plan to sleep a lot.

Just one more to go!  Yippie!


7 thoughts on “I Cried at Chemo Today

  1. I’m so glad to hear today was a good day. I’m praying there are more good days than bad from here on out. I’m going to eat more vegetables and fruit, but I don’t think I can cut the dairy. Ever. 😦 But I’ll eat more veggies and think of you! Good luck for round 3. I hope you have some sweet dreams with all that sleep. Hugs.

  2. Love you, Laura. Thanks for all you do for me and the boys. xoxo!

  3. One more!! You are such a warrior, girlfriend. Last lap :).

  4. One More!!!! You are amazing. My humble opinion is that being yourself – whatever that self is in the moment – is ok. In fact, it’s the best. Patient, feisty, crying, annoyed, sad, mad, proud, loving, tired, energetic, itchy, fuzzy. That’s what I love most – that you have given to all of us a gift, by being yourself, and by letting us in on what that is. Whatever it is. Sending much love.

  5. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who spontaneously breaks out in tears in doctor appointments. They just come out of nowhwere sometimes! You are so close to being done with the hardest part of this fight. Stay strong!

  6. I’ve been there, Beth. I love your ability to see it for what it is, and communicate it in writing so eloquently. That soup looks delish!

  7. Tears are cleansing on so many levels…so never be embarrassed by them. Praying the plan (whatever it is) works to alleviate your pain. I use the fragrance-free Nature’s Gate Lotion — no paraben. Here I can get it at Kroger or the Health Food store near me. In St. Louis, I got it at Whole Foods. My Dermatoligist told me it was best to put lotion on within 3 minutes of getting out of the shower. You have to pat dry and work fast to get that accomplished…a workout in itself. Hugs.

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