Waiting for Savasana



Well…that was interesting.

This is going to be a vaguepost.  Please forgive me.

This entire week has been a fiasco and sadly, my children were hurt emotionally.  Fortunately, they both came to us and told us what was going on.  Thank goodness they felt comfortable coming to us and telling us that something was not right.

And we put a stop to it.

And now, it is over.

Am I mad?  Yes, a little but mostly at myself for trusting the wrong person.  Fool me once, and all that.

But I will get over it and they are ok and we will move on.

And I forgive because what else is there to do when it is family?  I forgive.  I encourage my husband and sons to forgive and we all move on.

But people who read this and know me really should know by now that I was fierce as the mama bear before but the mama bear with the big “C”?  Yeah, don’t mess with her not even a little.

I will forgive but when it comes to those two boys, I will not ever back down.  I will always protect them and I will always be on their side.

Now can I tell you how amazing my boys have been?

Sooooo wonderful.  So sweet.  So loving.

Last night at my insistence, my little one came to me for a cuddle.  He was so happy.  He closed his eyes and said, “Mama, I want to hug you so much but I don’t because I don’t want to hurt you.”

Anyone who knows my fierce, passionate little boy knows that this is a huge deal for him.  Restraint.  Wow.  That’s big.

Sometimes, he just walks by me and hugs my head.

And my eldest, oh can I tell you about my eldest?  He is just a remarkable kid.  He stops by for visits.  He  checks on me and he is trying so hard to help out and be strong.  We talk about stuff and he says he feels sad but he tries to keep himself preoccupied doing other stuff.  He’s been keeping me in the know about Minecraft (something I really care to know nothing about but it makes him happy so it makes me happy)  I think that is very wise for him to stay preoccupied.  I am going to try to follow his lead myself.  It is very easy to get caught up in this poopy situation.

Regardless, this cancer stuff makes you grow up.

My friend Natalie recommended a book called “When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children”.  I devoured it.  The book is all about being honest with your kids without scaring the crap out of them or making them feel bad for having feelings.

I love my boys so much.  My one wish is that they can come out of all of this better people, regardless of the outcome.  Really, all I want is for them to be on solid ground.

So one big lesson I learned this week is surround yourself with people who are not crazy and if you make the mistake of doing just that, forgive.  Forgive yourself for allowing crazy and forgive the crazy person because, well, maybe they just can’t help themselves.

I spent a big portion of my teens and twenties acting like a crazy person.  I can honestly tell you it was because I didn’t know any other way to act.   It took a lot of work and yoga and antidepressants and therapy and resolving of issues to be the adorable person I am today. I know what it’s like to be crazy and not know better.  I know what it’s like to do something stupid you can’t take back.

So I forgive.  Even if the person can’t ever forgive me.  I forgive and we move on.

Thanks for following us on this crazy journey.


7 thoughts on “Forgive

  1. Your eldest might also enjoy playing Terraria. It has strong similarities to Minecraft, and is highly distracting.

    I’m so glad you can be in this place of forgiveness. I don’t reckon anybody can stay there indefinitely, but kudos to you for doing your best!

  2. Well, funny story…further investigation reveals that husband and I are “raising our children incorrectly” (we’ve known this for a long time since I’ve been told in the past that I feed my kids “too many healthy foods” and I “read to them too much”). But apparently, this visit was worse because I was “not welcoming enough” to our house guest (who had come with the understanding that she was helping us through this horrific time). I guess instead of stressing about having major surgery and stage 3 cancer, I should have been rolling out the cheese platter. *Shrug*
    I just have to laugh about it because it is so ridiculous.
    There really is no arguing with crazy.

  3. You should have been up serving your guest! What kind of recovering host are you? And don’t get me started on eating healthy food…we all should live on junk food and soda, right? 😉

    I am glad you can accept and move past the crazy. I hope you are doing well. I miss seeing your youngest and you. I didn’t have much involvement with your oldest, but I really liked your youngest. 🙂 he is a sweet kid.

    Let me know if you need anything!

  4. When you are better, you can come over and I can give you lessons in how to be a bad mom, excessively needy patient, and rude daughter-in-law, as I am an expert. Kudos to you for being able to forgive and shake off the crazy.

  5. Nobody raises their kids correctly, isn’t that the first law of physics? Srsly, you are an awesome mom even if you do eat those darn healthy foods. This is sound advice, I am going to take it.

  6. I’m sorry you have to deal with such nonsense. Remember that friends are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives. Big hugs to you!

  7. I really under stand about the craziness or should I say insanity that many have within them. Once again you amaze me with all the stuff going on in your life to forgive is not the easiest thing to do. I have these same crazy people in my family. For example two days after giving birth to my second child the person that came to help me asked me what I was making g for dinner that night. I thought what the? You can go home now.! Now I can laugh and say craziness.

    Beth you have awakened something in me that I can not explain. Thoughts that I have not thought before or in a long time, feelings that I have not felt, and many other things that I can not put into words. Your strength and words on these pages have given me food for thought. Thank you for being my hero in many ways. You are truly a special person.

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