Waiting for Savasana


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No Pollyanna Here

I am hurting over here.  There is no way to sugarcoat it.  Every treatment seems to bring new challenges.  Each one is worse than the next.

I am barely functioning.

The boys are at day camp and doing well.  I’ve been lovingly calling them my daycare kids.  See, I have always been home for them at least part-time.  My kids have had a regular babysitters through their lives but mostly, especially in the summer, they are with me.  And that is how we like it.  That has been our plan.  Do I even need to say that this is not a judgement on others?  Because it totally isn’t.  I made a choice long ago and this is how I like my life.  Hanging out with my kids in the summer is one of my favorite things ever.  We cook, we garden, we go on minitrips to the beach and other glorious CA locals.  We have nice summers.  We watch tv.  We read books. We swim.  We roast marshmallows. They play tennis.  We ride bikes.  We hike.  We play.  Our summers are usually idyllic. And I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be able to spend the last 12 summers with my children.

And now I am barely hanging out with anyone at all.  I’m in my room, feeling like crap.

Extended care.  My kids are signed up for Extended Care at many of their camps.  Because Extended Care beats hanging out with hairless, nauseated, barely able to lift her head up sick mama any day of the week.

No cookies are baking in the oven.  The kiddie pool got put out on the street.  There is no fun happening at our house unless Daddy is facilitating it and Daddy’s got to work.

I am so very sick.  No kid needs to be around that.

I have to say though, both boys are exhausted.  They come home TIRED.  We chill in front of the tv for a bit and then it’s bed time.  Then they get up and do it all over again and I stay home in bed missing them.  Those two boys I love so much.

Feel sorry for me, not them.  So far, they are ok.

This summer, my boys are making comic books, going on animal adventures, learning to fish, making spaceships, doing science, having fun with physics. Heck, the oldest is even going to Band Camp.

These boys are busy.  And yes, it is costing us some dough but it’s cheaper than a nanny when you break it all down and my big hope is that those two monkeys can escape this summer relatively unscathed by my illness during treatment.

And all of you who are like me.  Don’t judge the Daycare Kids.  I don’t.  But I never did.  Sometimes, it’s the only thing a Mama can do to keep everybody sane.