Waiting for Savasana

Two Steps Back


Well first, I have to tell you, I think I’ve figured out my Halloween costume.  It’s what I wore yesterday when I went in for a blood draw.  T-shirt, leggings a scarf on my head and a surgical mask because let me tell you, it sure does scare the heck out of people!


Monday was a bad day.  A painful day.  I felt terrible.  My hips hurt.  My back hurt.  My gums have been bleeding.  I just felt horrid.

I tried to walk with my husband to pick up the little one from school and didn’t make it to the corner without turning around and going back…crying.

I just hurt all over.

So here I was all excited and feeling powerful because I had signed up for that 15k and the next day, I could barely walk.

My husband made me call the ONC nurse because of all of my symptoms and they called me back, told me they wanted me to get a blood test and see my oncologist the next day.  And then she told me not to worry until it was time to worry.

Umm…I wasn’t worried until you told me that!  What in the world?!

When I got off the phone I was panicked and crying, “They’re not going to give me more chemo tomorrow , are they?!!  They aren’t going to make me have it again tomorrow, are they?!”

Because as you know, the day after Monday is Tuesday and Tuesdays were my chemo days.

And my husband reassured me that they would not give me chemo.  They just wouldn’t.

It took a little while for me to calm down.  Chemo is that bad.  I don’t want it anymore.

So Tuesday morning was my radiation simulation anyway.  We stopped at the lab for the blood work beforehand.  And this lady in front of me practically coughed all over me.  Gross!

Seriously people, cover your coughs!  Were you born in a barn?  Who does that?  Especially to someone wearing a scarf on their head?!

We people of the scarf have compromised immune systems.  For pete’s sake, don’t cough on us!  And it’s just bad manners.

She didn’t even say “Excuse me.”

My husband found a mask for me to wear so I did.

And I gotta tell you, my “costume” scares the poop out of people!  The looks of horror!  I am the person no one wants to be.  Maybe to some, I’m their past; a loved one or friend.  Maybe to some, I’m their future, or the fear of it.  But this is my reality and it terrifies people.

I figured out beforehand that the symptoms I presented to the nurse could be Leukemia.  I was a little worried but I had also been taking Advil and my gums stopped bleeding once I quit taking it, so I had a feeling I was ok.

And I was.  My bloodwork is still all sorts of crazy but no leukemia.  So that’s good.

Later that day I saw my oncologist and she snarked at me a bit for…well…not for being a hypochondriac exactly but for expecting to feel 100% better in the blink of an eye.

I told her it was my husband’s fault, he’s the one who made me call.

Monday was a really bad day, Tuesday was exhausting, hopefully, today will be a bit better.

Anyway, I still need to tell you about my port removal and I also need to tell you about the radiation simulation but I am tired so it will have to wait another day.

In the mean-time, don’t cough on anybody.  Ok?


2 thoughts on “Two Steps Back

  1. That is certainly a terrible, no good, very bad day. And I am very sorry you had it. I hope this week is looking better. I don’t have a cough, but if I did, I would not cough on anyone. Hugs.

  2. Better safe than sorry. Getting the reassurance that something else is not wrong, priceless. Hope your feet feel better and you feel stronger each day. Hugs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s