This is important.
Oh and by the way. Last chemo went well. I got through it. My husband and my mother aka my birth mother were with me. It seems the bell was lost so husband found a bell sound on his phone. He turned up the volume and I pushed the button.
Chemo is done.
So I am currently pumped up on steroids and painkillers. I am doing ok.
The day before yesterday, someone tried to give me a poop sandwich via email.
People have tried to give me poop sandwiches in the past and they are always surprised because here is the thing. I won’t eat a poop sandwich. Never. Not even if you try to feed it to me on a pretty plate. Not even if you just say, “Here’s a poop sandwich, eat up!”
No thanks. I won’t do it. Never have done it unless it was forced on me. And sometimes when i was smaller and weaker, it was forced on me. But I’ve got to tell you, it hasn’t happened in a long, long time.
And it infuriates people. It really does.
It must be so frustrating to make someone a poop sandwich and be rejected especially with all the starving people all over the world. But guess what? Even starving people don’t eat poop sandwiches.
I’ve been reading a lot of Ticht Nhat Hanh and he talks a great deal about watering the right seeds in each other. He also speaks about how in many relationships, we don’t water the right seeds in each other. We water the seeds of anger and hurt and betrayal and rage and jealousy. We have to learn to water the right seeds in each other to have prosperous relationships.
We have to water the seed of love and compassion and care in each other. Think of the powerful relationships we can have when we do this. It’s a win-win every time!
I am proud to say that my husband and I for whatever reason are really good at this. We always have been. We give each other a great deal of balance. We are in many ways each other’s Yin and Yang. He calms me and nurtures me and I in turn bring a lot of energy to our relationship. I am so grateful for that man. And you know what? My relationship with him helped me grow as a person in my relationships with others.
Am I perfect at this relationship thing. Heck no! I am human and I am flawed and sometimes I am too honest and too emotional and to bitchy and what have you but I am trying. Every single day.
I can’t tell you how many times this summer I have asked my boys if they are watering the right seeds in each other. They roll their eyes at me but it has made a difference. And all because of a very wise Buddhist monk who writes really informative books.
But what do we do with the people who repeatedly refuse to water our seeds? Who try to feed us poop sandwiches at every turn?
I’ve decided to love them anyway but from afar.
I have stage 3c cancer and I do not have room in my life for people who obviously do not have my best interest at heart.
And I can’t change anyone. I can only change my reactions to them.
And to tell you the truth, I just don’t have time for B.S. and lies anymore. I don’t have time for people who for whatever reason don’t feel compelled to even try to meet me half way.
But I am here. With all my flaws. Ready to be loved. Hoping to be understood and treated with compassion. But people we all have to be realists in this. Ain’t nobody ever has to eat a poop sandwich. Not even if it has your favorite Dijon mustard on it. Not even if it is served on the prettiest china. Not even if the person giving it to you tells you they love you. Because there is nothing loving in a poop sandwich. Nothing.
Because it’s poop. And no one ever has to eat that.