Waiting for Savasana

Last Chemo Tomorrow

15 Comments

Thank goodness.  Seriously.

We are bringing a surprise for the nurses and receptionists that have been so kind to us during these last 14 weeks.

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Nurses like cupcakes, right?

I don’t feel much like celebrating.  I will celebrate in about 2 weeks when I am on the mend.  I can not wait to say goodbye to this phase in my life.

Seriously, chemo is the worst.

Here is me in January of this year.  I was feeling great.  Just came off running two back to back half marathons.  I was doing my favorite Bikram Yoga or some other kind of yoga almost daily.  I had changed my diet dramatically.  Best I ever felt in my life.  But I had breast cancer and didn’t know it.

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Here is me after my first chemo.  We were buzzing my hair to about an inch because I knew it was going soon and I just couldn’t deal anymore.  I was feeling ok as you can see from my smile.

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And here is me now.  I’ve been poisoned!

I’m bald  and eyebrowless and moon faced and chubby (from steroids!  I swear it’s the steroids!  Nom nom nom  What’s that?  A cookie?!).

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Look at me!  I mean, WHO is that?!!!  That can’t be me.  No way! I barely recognize myself most days.  But today I was wearing the blue wig and I caught a sparkle in my eye in the car mirror and said out loud, “Oh!  There I am!” So I know I’m still alive.  I’m still alive.  Really, I am.

This is for the birds people.  But I can assure you, I will live to fight another day and someday soon, I will run again and be a regular at the yoga studio.  I will take back my life and my body.  None of this is going to beat me.

This I promise.

Until then, I have a feeling the next two weeks are going to be rough.  Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and (if you are so inclined) prayers.  We still need your good wishes.  Thank you for sticking with us this far.

I went to church yesterday and at the end of service we sang this song that always makes me cry and I found a Muppet version.  Enjoy!

Lyrics by David Pomeranz

It’s in every one of us to be wise
Find your heart
And open up both your eyes
We can all know every thing
Without ever knowing why
It’s in every one of us by and by

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15 thoughts on “Last Chemo Tomorrow

  1. The reason we are friends: you found a Muppets version. Yep. I love you — I’ll be sending you all my best tomorrow. So will the kiddos, who ask about you all the time. Hugs and love and peace and rainbows and unicorns and glitter…

  2. Praying hoping wishing knowing!

  3. Hell yes, you can do this. I’m cheering for you in the middle of the country as loud as possible. Your state of mind is incredibly powerful. My Aunt taught me a lot about cancer in the 11 years she lived with incurable ovarian cancer. 11 YEARS. Her state of mind. Her knowledge that it is in every one of us… A positive light, a reason to live. The parts of this challenge that you’ve shared online prove to me how you have the positive outlook inside you. Even on the hard days, please know that I know you have it. I hope some day I’ll finally get to meet you in person. Because I have years of hugs stored up for you!

  4. Love you… Lots and lots of prayers and good thoughts. Can’t wait to train with you again! I am planning to retire from marathons, but you heard it here first: if you ever decide to run another one of these things, I will be there by your side (just please pick an easy one :p).

  5. You are such a strong person! I’m so glad your final chemo session is tomorrow. You will heal quickly!

    I can not wait to run with you again, very soon. And would love to join you for a yoga class.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. Sending great thoughts and prayers to you Beth!! I wish you happiness and lots of love!! You are one remarkable women and mother!! Much love to you💗!
    Jackie

    Sent from my iPhone

  7. Yea for final chemo…. Had we been thinking straight we would have celebrated mateos last IV chemo…. Gotta celebrate those milestones. Now we wait to celebrate the end…. It’s Gotta end at some point. We will be keeping you in our prayers the next few weeks….. So happy you are at the finish line.

  8. Beth, thank you for sharing your story and courage. Sending our prayers and love to you and the family!

  9. You are so incredible! and I am so bummed I missed you at CSE. We continue to hold you in prayer every day. You are through and through stunningly gorgeous; a brilliant spirit and a warrior to boot. Namaste for real, girl!

  10. I’m loving your positive attitude, Beth. Thinking of you.

  11. So happy for you. You have been a great patient and made it to the end of this round ON SCHEDULE and with MUCH GRACE. Hoping just knowing this is the last chemo treatment will make the next two weeks easier to endure. Thanks for sharing the photos. Love seeing your beautiful face and smile…no amount of steroids can change your essence. Hugs and Kisses from afar.

  12. Beth, I hope your recovery from this round of chemo is both speedy and as comfortable as possible. If I can help in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts!

  13. What a journey. You have maintained an incredible spirit and attitude throughout this entire ordeal. So happy for you that chemo is done! You have a gift for writing. Keep it up! Xoxo

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