Waiting for Savasana

Still Recovering


Yesterday because my husband was working, I was needed to walk my youngest child to school.

By myself!

It’s the first time I have done that all school year.

It boggles my mind how some people do dense dose chemo and actually show up for work.  I don’t think I would be able to do it consistently.  And if I did I would be sleeping under my desk!

And there’s no way I could teach children while undergoing dose dense chemo.  No way.  I could maybe show up to greet the kids but even the hugs would hurt me.  I would have to hide in the storage room where they keep the crayons.

Walking to and from the school is about 1/4 mile.  I brought the dog and we were off.

I did ok.  My back and hips hurt progressively more as we walked.  The dog and the boy were ecstatic.  This is all it takes these days for me to make anyone happy,  We dropped him off outside of school because NO DOGS ALLOWED!

I made it back home without crying from pain.  I stumbled a bit.

I took a nap for several hours.

It is a good thing I am unemployed.

Another thing I forgot to say about the steroids is that they make me crazy thirsty.  And water doesn’t taste good.  I drink a great deal of juice in the days and weeks after chemo.  I prefer diluted apple juice.

Well, it happens every time the thirst sets in, I go to the fridge and all my juice has been consumed….by other people.  And no one ever replaces my juice!  No one. It’s just all gone.  Even the orange juice, and I hate orange juice.  And this last time, I admit, I got a bit irked.

I mean, really?!  I do not expect the world to revolve around me at all but we know this is coming.  It’s only eight times we’ve done this already.  Really?!  Where is my juice?

Where is my juice?!

I don’t ask for much.  Believe me, I don’t.

Where is my juice?

I got some shortly after.  And please do not think I am a juice princess but when there is a pattern of me needing lots of juice at a certain time, I think it would be nice to be prepared….before I become a juice monster!

Provided by Slime Juice by yoda

But that is the thing about being the patient, you are at the mercy of those who want to (or have to) help you.

There is a fine line before you, the patient can look like a demanding jerk.  And I try to cross that line as little as possible.

This is me, I’ve been drinking a lot of juice and sleeping a lot and talking a lot and watching a lot of T.V. which kind of drives me crazy.  I am tired all the time.

I can’t drive because I am still on some pain stuff.

Yesterday, we made a plan to go to ULTA because I need an actual eyebrow pencil or eyebrow kit because the eyeliner I have been using is too easy to smudge now that my brows are bald.  I was excited to go.  We never made it.  I fell asleep before I could even get my shoes on.

I might go down to SoCal next week to visit family including my new baby niece (!!!).  But I’m not sure I will be up for it.  I’m sitting here in pain just from typing.

I’m also having weird breathing issues.  Nothing too serious but it’s a little scary.  I have a hard time catching my breath.

I have other things to write about like my port removal and my newfound love/hate of wigs, but I am tired.  I think I am going back to bed.


3 thoughts on “Still Recovering

  1. Hooray for you, managing the walk to school & back. Please don’t ignore the breathing issue; at least report it to your doc(s). I’m all about good breathing for those I love, because I don’t want them to wind up on O2 like me. Praying each day brings increased strength and less pain. Hugs.

  2. I wish I could stay that I understand, and convey some magical wisdom that would help. But I can’t. All I can say is that you are incredibly strong – strong enough to get through this, but also strong enough to talk about how difficult it is. You are amazing, Beth. ❤

    • My breathing stuff is improving. The last two rounds of Taxol brought wheezing with it which is weird because I’ve never been a wheezer, but both my kids, my bio-mother and my biological brother have asthma. Go figure.
      I kind of gave hubby a hard time for not watching me closer. I was yelling something about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs which made him laugh. But seriously, not being able to breathe is scary! I know Aunt Sandy struggles with this every day.
      The doctor told me that radiation may also cause some breathing issues. Lovely. I can’t wait.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s