Waiting for Savasana

Life In the Pit of Despair

1 Comment

despair

I feel a lot like Westley right now from the golden oldie, “Princess Bride”. Yep, that’s me. Hanging out in the Pit of Despair.

I’m not really feeling despair though.  It’s just a metaphor.  The whole concept of my current recovery and the fact that I have to get better and heal before I get chemo and get knocked down all over again.
I’m trying to view chemo as a life giving and not life sucking machine though. Keeping it positive.

But that doesn’t always work.

I was out and about yesterday and had some fun. The weather is gorgeous. Had a nice day.
Today I had plans…it is Mother’s Day, you know. But I was a little sore so I ended up hanging out at home.

I was treated to a lovely gift basket with a wonderful assortment of gifts from my bunnies.
They did good.

Today, I am getting our summer schedule together. The original plan was NOT to sign the boys up for a lot of camps this summer. The plan was to go to the pool, hang out with friends and neighbors and chill for the summer. Now that plan is out the window.

I filled in some more camp slots and now will hopefully be able to time my treatment so that it synchs up with their camps.

I am being told that I will feel bad for a few days and then have a few good days and then get another treatment and feel bad and then feel a little better and then lather, rinse, repeat. But the truth is, we don’t know how bad I will feel or for how long OR how good I will feel (a lot, I hope). Whatever, I just know that if I was a kid whose mom had cancer, I would rather keep busy than mope around the house with said sick mom.
Regardless, I already know that a lot of t.v. will be watched this summer and a lot of video games will be played. I wonder if one can buy stock in Minecraft.

I am trying to rest, sorting through clothing and making room for my mom who is arriving this week for an indefinite stay. Yep. She bought a one-way ticket. I am so grateful that she is putting her life on hold to help care for us. It is asking a lot but the cool thing is that I didn’t have to ask. We need all the help we can get.

I’ve tried to keep busy today. I think about the significance of Mother’s Day and if I stop and think too much, I get weepy…but that only happened when I was alone. I am not really living in the Pit of Despair, just figuratively.

I think this is the most boring post I’ve ever written.

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One thought on “Life In the Pit of Despair

  1. Visits to the “Pit of Despair” are perfectly acceptable because it’s impossible to be positive all the time. It must be really hard to cope with the idea that you have to get “better” before treatment that will probably make you feel truly sick can begin. What a Catch 22! Chemo treatments are so counter-intuitive, we have to constantly remind ourselves that they are “wonder drugs.”

    I loved the Princess Bride. I’m going to see if they have it at my library.

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