Waiting for Savasana

One Down, Two To Go


I found out yesterday that I do not have a BRCA mutation.  So that’s good.  Very good.

As my friend J texted, “Yay! You get to keep your ovaries!”

It’s looking good.

My surgery is scheduled for THIS Thursday 4/18.

I am excited to get this stupid, ugly, no good cancer out of me but I am scared as heck of surgery.  I’ve never really been under full general anesthesia.

And I don’t even want to think about the procedure itself.  Makes me throw up in my mouth a little.  Yick.  Good thing I get to be the patient and not think about the ins and outs of what is going to happen right, because it sounds horrific.

But I want this tumor out of me so bad.  I hate it.  It throbs at night from the biopsy and it scares me because I start to worry that its growing or something.

I don’t like you tumor.  You suck.

My birth mother sent me this mantra to my cancer and I am trying to repeat it as many times as possible:

“Found you out CANCER!  Got you on the radar!  You’re going nowhere but DOWN!  You are now under arrest!  in JAIL!  on HOLD! and going nowhere but into an incinerator!  So it is!  Thank you God!”

I am asking my husband to update on my Facebook and this blog once surgery is done.

I can’t tell you how much your support means to me.  The care and consideration is so uplifting.  Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts during this horrible experience.

Last night, I was sitting in my bed reading a magazine and realized I have never ever in my life spent so much time thinking about my breasts.  I realized that no matter what, my life is never going to be the same again.

I really, really like my life so yeah, I’m sad about this.

But I’m just one out of eight women you meet every day.  I’m just the average gal who got hit with the cancer stick at age 40.  Freakin’ 40.  So far 40 has not been one bit fabulous.

One of my hopes is taken care of: BRCA negative, baby!  I’m still focusing on clear lymph nodes and a low onca score.  Let it be!!!

As always, thank you for following me on this journey.


3 thoughts on “One Down, Two To Go

  1. I will be praying for you and your family on Thursday. You are stronger than you can Imagine, and loved more than you know.

  2. Your writing is amazing. I hope it helps to write all of this down, it inspiring to read when you are really going through. I know everything will be okay in the end, but that doesn’t help while you have to deal with all of this stuff to get there. I’m glad you know you are loved, and Noel is doing an amazing job as your partner. Let me know when you are ready for that drink, or anything else. In the meantime, I am sending you prayers. xo

  3. You will be in my thoughts & prayers this week. Keep up the writing in the blog. You are most definitely going to beat this!!

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